National Storytelling Week - Bryan Penn

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The following podcast contains adult content.

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It is not suitable for minors, professional settings,

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or the faint of heart.

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In celebration of National Storytelling Week, I'll

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be publishing individual stories each day.

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This story was told live on stage at Petras by

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Brian Penn.

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Hey, everybody.

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So I noticed as everyone was going up, a lot of

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people have, like, stage names or like, sex

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positive Sally and, you know, just fun.

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Well, I just did it because I'm so used to always

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putting my normal life just my name and tell

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these first names and code names.

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I'm hearing all these stories like, all right, that's

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my name.

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It has been a saucy night tonight.

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Well, I'm a horny in a group of 100 people.

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Some of you have been in this position before.

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Many position.

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Many.

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That was quick.

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I liked it.

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Yeah, no, I hadn't really planned on telling a

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saucy story here.

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Here's a could have been saucy story.

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It's one of those yeah.

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In my teens and early 20s, for whatever reason, I

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don't know what you call it, but I didn't feel like I

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was a very desired person.

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And the therapy, I got over it.

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But the worst is I had no idea when somebody

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was interested in me, ever.

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Every single time it'll go over my head.

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We're at a party.

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I'm at this party, I'm talking to this girl, and at one

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point she takes her cigarette out and she puts it

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in my mouth, right?

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And I'm thinking to myself, like, I think this girl

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might I think maybe she could possibly be into

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me.

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I don't know where to go.

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I was like, I don't know.

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But for real, I'm 51% sure this woman isn't my

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and so the party's winding down.

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And even if she was, I wouldn't know what to do.

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I was like, 20.

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I have no idea.

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Unless we're both naked on a bed.

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I really don't.

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But from this to that, I don't know.

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The ends of the middle part, I think I'm like, okay,

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well, maybe I know that bed is where sex

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happens.

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I need to get us closer to bed somehow, right?

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I'm a very tactical, strategic person.

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I've been my entire life.

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Meanwhile, she's down.

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I learned that years later, right?

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So if we get upstairs, I'm like, what do I do up

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there?

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I don't know.

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Show us some some interest that's going to get

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cringe.

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I'm going to let you know, like, consensual cringe,

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but like, oh, dude, that kind of cringe.

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I'm like, oh, maybe if I could show her my art

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book, I can do that.

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So we get upstairs, right?

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And I'm like, yeah.

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So I'll just sit on this mattress that has no frame.

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And I was like, no.

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And so I go over this five star Mead notebook

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filled with doodles.

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Filled with doodles that I drew when I was sad.

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I didn't tell her that. I knew that much.

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I knew I shouldn't tell her that. For half an hour as

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she slowly dries like a lake bed, like an ancient

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lake bed.

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So at the end of that, we get to the end of the

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book.

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I'm like, you know, I still don't how do I we're at

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the bed, but like, how do I and so I'm like, so do

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you want to, like, sleep here tonight or and she

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goes, you know, I don't want to do that, but here.

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And then she, like, kisses me and she says, all

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right, good night, and goes. But there's a silver

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lining.

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Because three years later... I'm kidding.

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There, no, that was the end. Come back

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tomorrow as I publish another individual story in

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celebration of National Storytelling Week.

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These stories are recorded live every third

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Tuesday of the month at Petra's in Charlotte,

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North Carolina.

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For more information about Foreplay Goes

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South, follow us at foreplaygs on Facebook, Fetlife,